A Brief Life History

  It's funny. When you hear someone say in a movie or in everyday life something like, "Get in touch with your feminine side." I can't help but stop, think, and shake my head. If they only knew. Sometimes I draw attention to myself by giving a short laugh or a giggle as my thoughts continue along those lines. Getting in touch with my feminine side was never the issue at hand!
  The issue was keeping it contained, and oh I tried to keep it prisoner. Throughout my entire life there were periods of struggle I can remember concerning this very issue. From when I was a little toddler all the way till now. And oh how I was rebuked by family, put down, even yelled at if I persisted. That was when I was younger, perhaps between three to seven. As I grew older my family became more active in the church. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) I think more to curb certain behaviors within me than any position on faith at the time. However their efforts were futile, for I moved to Washington State when I was Eleven. I came into contact of all sorts of new concepts while living there. Concepts that I maintain today.
  It was living in Washington that I had a Dream. A dream that was trying to tell me something. That I was different. Puberty had hit and I was uncomfortable with who I was becoming. Didn't seem right. Within the dream It felt right. I knew it was right. A couple years passed before I actually stumbled upon the word, Transgender.
  I had always thought I was alone, a freak, and that I was going to burn in Hell, or to use another term dissipate into Outer Darkness. AOL was big at the time and there was a online community, this was before Youtube and other such sites. I was in the chat rooms often and using the message boards soaking up everything I could about being "Transgender". I had found others, I wasn't a freak.
   At the age of fifteen I moved back to Utah. Family felt it was best that I come to live with my Aunt, Uncle, and seven cousins. This was a time in my life where the decision to attend church or ditch. Wasn't mine. I didn't really mind it all that much, but I still felt out of place. That something was wrong.
  By the time I was Seventeen I was living back with my mother. She had moved back to Utah to find work and be closer to family. Two years latter I told my mother who I knew myself to be. It didn't go over well. for my Grandmother was at my house the next morning to "talk" about the issue. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to them again about it. Though I didn't need to rely on them. I was at Job Corps and was out to friends who accepted that about me.
  Skip ahead over the next ten years and here it what you have. Bishops offices and family telling me it is wrong and a sin. Being thrust into those offices time and again to talk to the bishop at request of certain family members. It was no picnic. I even relented and became a good Mormon "boy". Getting the Higher priesthood and everything.
  Now I find myself finally living towards my true self. The future is mine! My family, my church, and their beliefs have no hold on me anymore. No influence. I am becoming the true me! Finally. These are my Journeys and I shall continue onward. Till next time Pleasant Travels.