I SCREAMED! I SHOUTED! The Walls Came Tumbling Down.

  All my life there have been impenetrable walls like dark abysses containing parts of myself on the other side within me.  I could feel them there. I just didn't have access to them. I thought it was because of my disabilities either learning or otherwise. I was wrong. These walls preventing so much in my life.
   Imagine standing at the end of a incomplete bridge over a massive ravine. Everyone else has completed theirs and is on the other side already. You try to talk or shout, but only bits and pieces of what you are trying to say make it across. Imagine you are a 100,000 piece puzzle, but a few pieces are missing or they never came in the box. Though from a distance you look whole. These are but a couple of examples of how I felt and still It falls short.
  The walls prevented me from being social for I was very shy. I never made friends easily, and at times I didn't want to interact with the ones I had. Speaking and communicating with others was difficult. For what I had to say in my head was perfect. However what came out of my mouth was jumbled and at times incoherent. My family taunted me, and my peers made fun of me. It was a disability only in that I saw it that way. Years of stigmas of society and family telling me I can't or shouldn't and to not do this or that. Top it off with the Emotional and Mental abuse I  suffered at the hands of my family and I shut out others and most especially myself.
  It wasn't until last year that I was standing at a crossroads of identity. Shall I choose a Life in the Church or do I Transition to become a Woman that the first wall crumbled. I choose to Transition.

  It was that one choice that crumbled the first wall. It was a thinner wall than some of the others. Yet all were a dark abyss. I didn't even notice it was down at first. I just told my therapist at my school I was going to try and find a support group for people that are Transgender. I suddenly found myself more social with my peers. I was laughing more I was more focused. I was even coherent and understood at times! But it was still just a small part of me. When I attended the meeting the first time another wall tumbled and crumbled down and more of me was added to the whole! WOW!
  Since then with each choice I've made more walls have crumbled! I am a different person than I was last Summer. I have more access to my total self than ever before in my Life. Only a couple Wall's remain perhaps three or four but no more than that.
   One such Wall is approaching me soon. I know its time to crumble even! July Twenty-First It will fall and it is a big wall. It is the date I will manifest as Alice physically for the first time! I know this as well about that date. I will be a different person when that wall crumbles and falls. Some large part of me is over there waiting to be added to the whole. I can feel it. I know it. Looking back with hind sight I am a changed person I am no longer Corey at all. This is the last hurdle to being fully myself as Alice and truth be told. I'm scared. I'm excited. I CAN'T WAIT!



   These Are My Journey's, And I'm Taking Them Brick By Brick! Till Next Time Don't Be Afraid To Confront Your Own Walls!